Entertainment Unlimited

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up.

The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."

The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "So I can get some lights in here, its dark!"

The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call, the drunk stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time, to the same result. He figured he'd crawl outside to get some fresh air, since maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his house. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning by his wife shouting, ‘So you've been out drinking again, have you?’

‘No! What makes you say that?’ he asked, putting on his best innocent expression.

‘The pub called... you forgot your wheelchair again.’

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, ‘Did you see what your monkey just did?’

The guy says, ‘No, what?’

‘He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!’ says the bartender.

‘Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,’ replies the patron. ‘He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff.’

He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted.

‘Did you see what your monkey did?’

‘Now what?’ asks the patron.

‘Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!’ says the barkeeper.

‘Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,’ replies the patron. ‘He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first.’

A son asked his father, ‘Dad, what's the difference between Potentially and Realistically?’

The Father replied, ‘If you really want to know, go ask your mother if she'll sleep with Robert Redford for one million dollars, and then go ask your sister if she'll sleep with Brad Pitt for one million dollars. And then go ask your brother if he'll sleep with Tom Cruise for one million dollars, and then come back to me and tell me what you found out.’

So the son goes to his mom and says, ‘Mom, would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?’ and the mom says ‘For a Million Dollars, Hell yeah, I would, I've been wanting to forever.’

So the son goes to his sister and asks her if she'll sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars and the sister says ‘Oh man, would I ever. I'd Love To.’

So then the son goes to his brother and says, ‘Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?’ and the brother says, ‘Hmm...for a million dollars, well...a million dollars is a lot of money, so...yeah I guess I'd do it for a million dollars’

So the boy goes back to his dad and the dad says to his son, ‘Well, what did you find out?’

His son replies, ‘Well, we're Potentially sitting on three million dollars, but realistically we're living with two sluts and a fag.’

According to a survey conducted by the Ministry of Urban Development, here is a list of the cleanest cities in India.