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Three Babies in the Womb

Three Babies in the Womb


There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up.
The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."
The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "So I can get some lights in here, its dark!"
The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"
Drunk And Falling Down

Drunk And Falling Down


A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call, the drunk stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time, to the same result. He figured he'd crawl outside to get some fresh air, since maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his house. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the second his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning by his wife shouting, ‘So you've been out drinking again, have you?’
‘No! What makes you say that?’ he asked, putting on his best innocent expression.
‘The pub called... you forgot your wheelchair again.’
Did you see what your monkey did?

Did you see what your monkey did?


A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, ‘Did you see what your monkey just did?’
The guy says, ‘No, what?’
‘He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!’ says the bartender.
‘Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,’ replies the patron. ‘He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff.’
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted.
‘Did you see what your monkey did?’
‘Now what?’ asks the patron.
‘Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!’ says the barkeeper.
‘Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,’ replies the patron. ‘He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first.’
The difference between Potentially and Realistically

The difference between Potentially and Realistically


A son asked his father, ‘Dad, what's the difference between Potentially and Realistically?’
The Father replied, ‘If you really want to know, go ask your mother if she'll sleep with Robert Redford for one million dollars, and then go ask your sister if she'll sleep with Brad Pitt for one million dollars. And then go ask your brother if he'll sleep with Tom Cruise for one million dollars, and then come back to me and tell me what you found out.’
So the son goes to his mom and says, ‘Mom, would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?’ and the mom says ‘For a Million Dollars, Hell yeah, I would, I've been wanting to forever.’
So the son goes to his sister and asks her if she'll sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars and the sister says ‘Oh man, would I ever. I'd Love To.’
So then the son goes to his brother and says, ‘Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?’ and the brother says, ‘Hmm...for a million dollars, well...a million dollars is a lot of money, so...yeah I guess I'd do it for a million dollars’
So the boy goes back to his dad and the dad says to his son, ‘Well, what did you find out?’
His son replies, ‘Well, we're Potentially sitting on three million dollars, but realistically we're living with two sluts and a fag.’
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12 Most Clean Cities in India

According to a survey conducted by the Ministry of Urban Development, here is a list of the cleanest cities in India.
12. Bangalore
bangalore_1382693238
Read more »
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Top 10 Indian Reality TV Shows in 2013


Savdhaan_India_@_11_logo10. Savdhan India @ 11



9. Comedy Circus Comedycircus

8. MTV Roadies
MTV_Roadies_X_(season_10)_logo


7. Crime Patrol Crime_Patrol
6. Boogie Woogie
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5. Nach baliye
Nach-Baliye-5-logo

  4. KBC 7
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3. Dance India Dance
DanceIndiaDance
 

2. Bigg Boss 7
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1. Comedy Nights With Kapil Comedy_Nights_with_Kapil
 
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7 Things To Do Before You Get Married

7. Move out of your Parent’s house: Independence is the best thing you can give yourself.


mving out 

6. Make your career dreams come true: If you have a dream, make it come true. Achieve your goals before you settle down with that someone special.


career 

5. Manage your finances: Learn to save your money and invest it in the right places.


manage-finances 

4. Learn to cook: No, it is not so that you can play the typical bahu after marriage, but irrespective of gender, a person who can cook will always have an upper hand over a person who can’t cook.


cooking 

3. Go on a blind or a speed date: Try something new. You might just like the experience or have something to laugh about later.


Young couple sharing a glass of red wine in restaurant 

2. Party all night: Not that you won’t do it after marriage, but there’s no guarantee about how often it will happen. Have your share of fun now.


Young people dancing at a nightclub, under blue coloured spotlights 

1. Travel Solo: The best way to explore what’s within you. Go to a foreign land, or just anywhere to know yourself better.
solo trip
How to create Google Adsense Account

How to create Google Adsense Account




Google AdSense is the most popular option for monetizing online content, but sadly enough, many bloggers don't know how to create a Google Adsense account. Creating a AdSense account is very easy thing to do and for being accepted you just need a website or a blog indexed by Google, which should contain a minimum of 10 pages and most important, not violating Google Adsense policies.

Apply Account Approval

Before anything else, you have to apply for a Google Adsense account.
Just go to the Adsense homepage www.google.com/adsense and click on the "Sign up now" red button.

Now you must complete the Adsense registration form:


Step 1. Select your Google Account to continue

Step 2. Tell us about your content: enter your main website/blog URL where you want ads to be displayed, then select your website content language.

Read and pay attention to the Google Adsense policies, because if you violate the rules, your account might be disabled later. And unfortunately, you have small chances to get it back.

Rules:

1. I will not click on my ads nor encourage others to do so. 
2. I will not place ads on sites that include adult content, including pornography. 
3. I will not place ads on sites involved in the distribution of copyrighted materials. 
4. I do not already have a Google AdSense account. 
5. I will not place ads on sites that include incentives to click on ads.

Check "I have read and agree...", and then press "Continue"

Step 3. Submit your adSense application: select your account type and enter your personal information (country, your real name, address, phone). These informations will be used when you will receive your payment. Next, press "Submit my application" to finish with the registration.
After submit the form Google will review your blog and your registration. Wait maximum 2 weeks to get your AdSense registration approved... or rejected. Google will send you an email to your inbox if your account has been approved.

Good luck!
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Our films their films: A comparison between Bollywood and Hollywood

Watching Salman Khan go all fist and fury in Jai Ho sends you on a deja vu spin. Like most films the superstar and many others of his ilk have been churning out lately, Jai Ho makes no apologies about its retro pitch. It is almost as if you were back to the eighties, watching a gag bag hauled from a decade deemed creatively the worst for Hindi mainstream.


Watching Salman Khan go in Jai Ho also reminds you of the basic divide between the definition of largescale entertainment as Bollywood and Hollywood perceives it. If Bollywood biggies have lately been about going back in time for inspiration, the ploy is in stark contrast to what Hollywood does.


Think Avatar, think Skyfall, think any recent superhero flick. We are not talking art-house stuff here. Mainstream blockbusters in Hollywood are normally about pushing the envelope, about finding new ways to entertain.


Okay, we lack the budgets to match Hollywood tech tricks. What about looking forward with script ideas? Watching Jai Ho, it seems rather embarrassing that Bollywood's brand of cinema to pamper the audience stubbornly remains regressive while big- ticket Hollywood forever aims to be pathbreaking with stories to woo larger audiences worldwide. Most Bollywood hotshots forward the theory that Hindi mainstream is the way it is only because the masses want it that way.



That is rubbish, actually. You don't need the brain of a rocket scientist to savour Iron Man 3, a notion evidenced by the credible Rs.35- crore weekend the film saw on its India opening last year. Iron Man 3 released in 1,100 screens here, which is only about a fourth of the screen tally an average Khan biggie commands.


The point worth noting is dubbed Hindi, Tamil and Telugu prints of the film- like dozens other all- out Hollywood entertainers over the past few years- managed to reach out to what we tend to dismiss as the single- screen crowd.


Fun on the screen can be intelligent- and imaginative- and still sell, the normally good run of these Hollywood biggies in India have proved. There is an evolving market for smart entertainment across audience segments and it could spell profits if sold wisely.


If Bollywood's big- money hunt is reluctant to move beyond Jai Ho, Chennai Express or Dhoom 3- all of which have scored rehashing sundry cliches- it is because Hindi commercial cinema doesn't want to take chances.



Many among the Bollywood lot have an amusing explanation. We Indians are traditional by mindset, they argue. So the tendency to go back to roots extends to our brand of entertainment. That is the excuse for milking retro formulae.


Art- and that includes popular art- is however about redefining existing ideas and not falling back for inspiration on what worked 30 years ago.


Most of our moolah- lusting Bollywood types of course do not think of updating popular art while rehashing what worked once ( the makers of Jai Ho, for instance, shelled out crores to buy rights of an old Telugu flick called Stalin starring Chiranjeevi and translated it into Hindi). Nor would most of them admit that creating original entertainment calls for a little bit of brainstorming.
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